The 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) provide a valuable framework for understanding how people process loss. While everyone grieves in their way, knowing about these stages can help you recognize your emotions and take the steps needed for healing.
Grief is a highly personal and unique experience, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed or confused by the emotions that come up when you or a loved one goes through a loss. These feelings are part of the healing journey, even when they don’t seem like it in the moment.
Recovering from a loss takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself. Even if you’re going through an adamant time, seeking support—whether through counseling, support groups, or other resources—can make a huge difference as you navigate the five stages of grief.
The stages of grief were first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Originally applied to terminal illness, the model was later adapted to encompass any significant loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a major life change like losing a job.
Understanding the Five Stages of Grief
Everyone’s grief process is different. You might spend days, weeks, or even months in one stage, and the order is not always the same. You may even skip stages or move back and forth between them. The stages aren’t meant to be rigid guidelines but rather a reference to help you understand the emotions that come up.
1. Denial
For many, denial is the first response to loss. It’s a common defense mechanism that helps you cope with the initial shock. At this stage, it might be hard to accept the reality of the loss.
Some examples of denial might include:
- Fantasizing that your lost loved one is still alive and expecting them to come back.
- Convincing yourself that a breakup is just temporary and your partner will return.
- Thinking that your job loss is just a misunderstanding and your boss will offer the job back.
Denial is temporary and helps cushion the immediate impact of grief, allowing you to gradually come to terms with the loss.
2. Anger
Feeling intense anger is normal during the grieving process, even if it surprises you. Anger can be directed at yourself, others, or even the person who has passed away. You might ask, “Why me?” or feel a strong sense of injustice.
Remember, anger is a necessary part of healing. Underneath that anger is often a deep well of pain. Expressing it allows you to reconnect with the world after the numbness of denial.
3. Bargaining
Bargaining is often about holding on to hope and trying to regain control. You might find yourself thinking things like, “If only I had done this differently,” or “What if things had gone another way?”
This stage helps you process the reality of the loss by exploring different “what-ifs” and “if-only” scenarios.
4. Depression
Unlike clinical depression, this form of sadness is a natural response to loss. It’s when the full weight of your grief hits, and you come to realize the depth of what’s been lost.
You might feel tired, distracted, and unmotivated. But these feelings are temporary and part of coming to terms with reality.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “okay” with the loss, but that you’re beginning to acknowledge it as a part of your life. At this stage, you’ll start to adjust to your new reality, and while the pain may never fully go away, it becomes more manageable.
You may still feel sadness or anger, but over time, you’ll find longer periods of peace and the ability to move forward.
When to Seek Help
Grief can feel like an impossible weight to carry, and that’s when reaching out for help can be life-saving. Whether it’s professional counseling or simply talking to a loved one, don’t hesitate to seek support if you’re struggling to cope.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving
If you’re wondering how to help a loved one, start by being present. Offer to listen, help with practical tasks, and provide space for them to grieve in their way. Grieving is personal, and the best support you can offer is often just showing that you’re there.